A little known fact is that your child can be used as a backup weapon. Yep, they have the power to project bodily substances on any would-be attacker. It’s kind of like those foul-smelling substances the police deploy to disperse crowds, except worse because they’re actual bodily fluids. Nothing says weapon like a biological one, and the last thing anyone needs is to be on the receiving end of a deluge of snot or baby puke. This Daddy's Best Backup Onesie is a reminder of why you’re cute little wiggler is also the deadliest of backup weapons.
The best backup weapon would be a combination of a child with a firearm. We were thinking of a side-arm that shoots boogers—probably the weirdest, most screwed-up thing ever. We’d call it the SnotGlock, and it would be enough to deter criminals on concept alone. Don’t think it’d come to fruition because we’d all be thrown in a loony bin before it ever reached production. Dammit, we had some good buyers in mind. We guess we’ll stick to making awesome baby bodysuits instead.